what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
