so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
