After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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