I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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