well you can't waste a boner
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
