dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
