You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
