May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
