and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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