I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
