my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
