Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
