My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize