i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
