your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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