she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
