Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
