If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
