I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
