Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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