I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
