Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize