Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
