She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
