its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
