the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
