She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
