this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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