God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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