A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
