Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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