8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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