I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
