They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
