Swine flu. Run for my life!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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