my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Let's get the cat blown out
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
