Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
