Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
