Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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