"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i already hear my dad disowning me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
