He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
