wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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