I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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