My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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