He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
