I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
