Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
