I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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