john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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