How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
