Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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