Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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