the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
