That's intense
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize