She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
