i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
