i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
