a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
