I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
