my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
