I must be too annoying 4 u.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
