I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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