Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
