you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
