I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
