Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
