Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
