Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
