oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
