shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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