Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
