i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
