I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
